Well, here I am again. I've tried a few times to post in the past month and just haven't felt like it when I've had time, or when I've sat down to write, I've just stared at the blank screen for a few minutes and then given up. There just hasn't been anything really interesting enough (in my mind) to overcome the lack of motivation I have.
But here I am today. I've had a change of mood because I've finally figured out what my problem is, which I should have known. SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder.
I know that a ton of people deal with this and honestly, I thought that it was just an excuse or something made up when I was younger. According to the ever informative and highly reliable (hah) Wikipedia, I learned that in many circles it really was something that people were skeptical of, but now, the DSM-IV (the all-knowing psychology Bible) now labels it as a "specifier" of regular, good old fashioned depression. Please know that this has been a self-diagnosis and though I'm not positive that I legitimately have this, I do have many of the symptoms. And also, according to the DSM-IV, I do meet the criteria to be diagnosed this way. I think Jesse thinks (in the back of his mind) that I am a hypochondriac and love to diagnose myself, but when I briefly described it to him this morning he kind of had a look of "oh, that makes sense.." and kind of half-heartedly agreed by saying, "yeah, maybe." I think the part that is most annoying right now is that I hit this same "funk" every year, and every year am caught off guard by my extreme moodiness and lack of motivation. Duh. The lightbulb finally clicked on the other day when Mom and I were texting and she asked about my vitamin D intake.
All this to say: with a new mindset, extra vitamin D and a few encouraging people, I am in a much better mood but please, bring on spring. And THIS is why our bathroom is still a wreck and half completed, though we've made some excellent progress and should be finished pretty quickly when the evenings and weekends cooperate with us. We had some extra help with the ceiling this past week, so that was really great. We (read: Jesse) had a general idea of what was going on, but wasn't positive, so why not call in reinforcements who have done it before?
The girls are doing great. Lily is all kinds of two. That's just the best answer I can give when people ask how she is doing. Parents who've been there before give me knowing smiles and nod their heads when I tell them of something she's doing; my friends who have kids the same age laugh at my stories, but only because they know and secretly, are probably pretty glad their kid isn't the only one acting out like that; and my friends who don't have children yet offer me kind words of encouragement and just tell me how cute my girls are, which really is almost the most helpful because there are days...oh there are days. Some of the things that Lily comes up with are hilarious. She has never been one to really parrot what other people say constantly like some kids I've met. She says a few words or phrases that I know I say-- like "bummer!"-- but I don't really hear my phrases coming out of her mouth too often. The other day though, I said we were going up to the store for a few things and she said "mmm, my don't think so," which made me laugh because I know I say that. And yes, she refers to herself as "my" now. However, it wasn't quite as funny when Jesse told her to pick up some toys and she said "my don't think so." That earned her some discipline before picking up. She has also started telling me "my not baby, my name Lily!" when I refer to her as baby. Such as, "go get your shoes, baby." This morning on the way to work, she told me her name was Lily and then I decided I should probably try and explain middle and last names. She thought that was great, but when I tried to get her to say our last name, she said "my too little to say that!" I don't blame her..it's a long one! But I was really amused. And then she asked my name, and attempted to say "Hildebrand Mommy." She is doing great with her vocabulary, but leave Jesse and me laughing with how she confuses the order of the words in her sentences. Besides that, our favorite is when she tells us that she's too heavy to do something that weight doesn't apply. Like turn on the lights in a room, where height is really more the issue.
|big helper, taking out the trash. she grabbed the bag and got the door open then stopped to put her boots on.|
Emma is cute. Can I leave it at that? She is chunky, happy and adorable, but a terrible sleeper. I was telling a mom friend that I feed her (what feels like) a ton in hopes that she'll sleep a bit longer at night but all that is happening is she's not sleeping and just getting fatter. But she's still fitting in the right size clothes, so I guess that's not too bad. She actually was sleeping better until last week and then has been up frequently through the night again. Partly, I'm sure, because she knows I'll come, but I also think we've hit another growth spurt and hopefully we will finally be seeing some teeth soon. She is starting to get grumpy that she isn't eating the same thing we are, but without teeth, there is only so much I can feed her of table food. I think we are going to have our hands full with her, even more so than we do with Lily. Emma loves to be into everything. I could sit Lily in a room and she would either play for a few minutes, or cry to be near me again. Emma...I put her down and she's off. Into the dog food, trying to get into the bathroom to splash in the toilet (don't worry, we keep the lid down and doors closed now), or trying to take all of Lily's toys (who is having a hard time sharing). She thinks she's quite clever that she can stand and cruise, and she thinks she's a big enough girl that she doesn't need to hold onto things when she's standing. Which isn't true, but she likes to pull herself up and let go, but then quickly falls.
|see? you can tell she is proud of herself.|
I guess that's it. The girls love each other, and I think they'll have even more fun when Lily can wrestle Emma a bit easier and Emma can defend herself without pulling hair. Lily loves to wake Emma up in the mornings with an excited "EMMA WAKE UP! Hiiiiiiiiii Sweetie!" and it just melts my heart when she tries to calm Emma down when she's upset. Emma looks at Lily and always has the biggest smile for her, and I just love it.
I will update pictures soon, I am having formatting issues with that blog and every time I try and post, it crashes. Dumb. So we'll get those eventually.