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03 May 2018

LEK 53

Emma: scary movies really give me the nightmares.

Kaylee: what are teenagers?
Lily: people who are done with school and who lay around on their phones all the time and listen to music. That's what I'm gonna do when I'm a teenager.
Me: ....no, you probably won't.
Lily: well I'm going to listen to music all the time!
Kaylee: I'll be on my phone all the time.

Kaylee crying: I just don't want cry drops on my shirt!

Emma: GRRRRRR MINECRAFT IS BEING REALLY SWITCHY.

Kaylee: I wish I was a teddy bear, then I'd cuddle with myself.

Kaylee: can we play in the creek? It's green. I promise we won't drink it.

Emma: ew I just achoo'd on my hand.

Lily: I want a baby brother.
Jesse: what? A baby brother?
Lily: yes I'm bored of sisters.

Kaylee comes out after we put them to bed: Emma needs you.
Me: is she bleeding, is she sick?
Kaylee: no (goes back to their room)
5 seconds later
Kaylee: Emma has systemic juvenile arthritis, that's sickness.
Me: 😂🤦

Trying to explain why all the teachers were protesting here a few months ago.
Lily: well I guess that's a good way to get more money
Emma: a better way is a garage sale.

Emma: MOM Kaylee dropped a goldfish where you park and ate it.
Me: oh well what can you do.
Lily: sell her?

Lily singing presidents: Wilson, Harding, Kool-Aid..

Reviewing the states.
Me: here's Florida, that's where Disney is.
Lily: ARE WE TAKING AN AIRPLANE
Me: yes probably.
Lily: let's take a jet, they serve snacks.

Passing an eyebrow threading store at the mall.
Lily: what's that?
Me: oh sometimes ladies don't like the shapes of their eyebrows so they go there to have them fixed.
Emma:  oh like triangles and squares?

Emma: Lily is being a grumpy-potamus.

Lily: what is the word that means being creative?
Me: ...uh, imaginitive?
Lily: no, like if you go camping and have way too many clothes, but forgot your tent? So you make a tent out of your clothes?
Me: Oh, improvise?
Lily: YES!
(Note, I will make sure we remember a tent when we camp next 😂)

28 December 2017

LEK (52)

Me: what is the shape of the face of most clocks?
Emma: what's on most clocks? I don't know, cats?

Kaylee: I can't open this moustache-io.
(pistachio)

Emma: how do you tell the difference between a boy horse and a girl horse?
Me: .........................
Kaylee: the girls have long hair.

Lily: it sure would be funny if I was raised by squirrels, wouldn't it?

Emma: NO COOKIES FOR YOU.

Jesse, filling me in on football: Miami lost on Thanksgiving, they were 2nd in the country.
Kaylee: what about Emma?
Me: not myEMMA, MiAMI.
Lily: who is Ami?

Lily: I wish we had 15 puppies. Then I could have 5, Emma could have 5, and Kaylee could have 5.
Kaylee: I KNOW, I could have 3, Lily could have 7, and Emma could have 5.
Me, adding it up: HOW DID YOU DO THAT KAYLEE.
Lily: oh, those are our ages, smart, Kaylee.
Me: oh, that makes sense.

Me: Kaylee, please stop following me all over the house. Find something to do that isn't that.
Kaylee: but I don't know WHAT to do.
Me: whatever your little heart desires that isn't following me everywhere.
Kaylee: but that's what my heart desires! Following you around!

Kaylee: can I light the candle on fire?

Emma: I want a foot stool so I can rest my feet.

Lily: when we're teenagers, we can do whatever we want.
Me: ...no, not really.
Lily: well, some stuff. Like listen to music.
(note, we listen to music ALL THE TIME)

Emma: ok, Google, play a funny joke.
Google: what's brown and sticky? A stick!
Emma: NO, it's CHOCOLATE.
Me: well yes, but also a stick, because it's stick-y.
Emma: ...ok, Google got me.

(watching football)
Lily: so whoever shoots the winning point gets their picture taken?

Kaylee: how do you know?
Emma: because I'm old and I'm wise!

Emma: too bad, too sad, don't let the bed bugs bite! Is that how that goes?
Lily: yes.

28 October 2017

are you tired of reading the funny things my kids say? 51

Kaylee: when we were by the tomatoes, we saw a HOLY SMOKES MOMMA tomato.
Emma: YOU WILL FREAK OUT ABOUT IT.

Emma: Batman caught a Monarch butterfly, but it still had flight power, so I made him let it go and it got away.

the girls and I were in one vehicle, following Jesse in the other.
me: oh, sorry girls, Dad made it through the light and we didn't.
Lily: why didn't you put on super speed?

Lily: why do they call it football if they don't use their feet?

Lily to Emma: you need to do what I say because it says so in the Bible.
(I didn't teach her this)

Kaylee: I just waited a couple whiles and then, poom, turned on.

Lily: are the Phoenix birds real?
me: well, those are something called mythical creatures, like mermaids, unicorns, and the Loch Ness monster. They probably aren't real, but it's fun to imagine they could be real.
Lily: oh yes, it's fun to pretend Santa is real.
Emma: yes, and to pretend Pluto is real!
me: ...well, I mean, Pluto is real. It's not a planet, but it's still out there.
Emma: my Sunday school teacher told me she lived way back in the day when Pluto was a planet!

Lily: I LOVE IT!
Emma: I don't, it's not good for me.
Lily: it's so good!
Emma: well that's ok, we have different taste bugs.

Jesse: what kind of donut do you want?
Emma: oh, I don't know. The kind I wanted last time and had a fit about!

Lily: the very first humans alive were paleontologists, right?

Kaylee: is right here (pointing to her elbow) a bending bone?

Lily: I just think bones are super important.

Emma: Mom, is your brain your squishiest part of your body, or your butt?

Kaylee was watching Beauty and the Beast.
Kaylee: is this Mom's work?
Jesse: what?
Kaylee: well, Mom is pretty like Belle, and you're like the Beast.

06 September 2017

LEK 50

Emma: Diamond wanted the guinea pig toy, so Batman kindly gave it to her, then she didn't want it. So I gave it back to Batman. I thought that was nice.

Lily: EMMA HISSED AT ME!
Me: why?
Lily: well, I pulled her hair. But I was just sitting on it, so that technically isn't pulling it.

Kaylee: Momma, I want the show that starts with an, "m."
Me: ...ok, what's it about?
Kaylee: it has Pongo?
Me: 101 Dalmatians?
Kaylee: YES!

Lily: Emma, if you had one wish in the world, what would it be?
Emma: for a unicorn.

Lily: Momma, blueberry pie is delicious, right? I'm not much of a pie lover, I'm a chocolate cake lover.

Lily: do I need to write the mystery dot?
(a question mark)

Lily: can I have some of that tortilla chip sauce?
(salsa)

Lily: oh, what are those animals with tusk-es like elephants. Not seals, that live in Antarctica?
Me: walruses? I don't know if those are in Antarctica...
Lily: oh, well, one of the Arcticas...

Groot: I am Groot.
Emma: is his name Groot?

Lily: Emma, will you please move your face?

Me: Kaylee, where are your sisters?
Kaylee: playing on the trampoline with a wolf spider.
Me: ...well sure.

20 June 2017

LEK 49

Kaylee: Momma, it'd be a great idea if I went to sleep?
Me: yes, definitely.

(Emma came to me upset and said she needed a way to serve me.  I asked what she meant, and she said they had talked in Sunday School that they should find a way to serve their moms, I assume in a helping way.  She went on to tell me she wanted to serve me):
Emma: I need to serve you, like Mimi does at the Duck Pond.
Me: the Duck Pond?
Lily: she means the Swan House! (which is the local tea house where Mom works)

Emma: well, that just scared me the freaking out!

Kaylee: why was Lily talking a lot?  I couldn't talk because she wouldn't stop talking.

Kaylee: is heaven all the way up in the sky?  Do you have to take a cloud?  Or an airplane?

Me: Kaylee, put Katie (the doll) down so you don't get food on her.
Kaylee: but my hands aren't all foody!

Me: girls, look at this baby hippo!
Emma: we should adopt one!  He could sleep in our bathtub!

Kaylee: I DO NOT LIKE ROLY POLYS IN THE BARBIE DREAM HOUSE.

Lily: there are more American Girl Dolls out now.  I bet Uncle Joel would like one.

Emma: COME TO POPPA!

Emma: wow, that was a whole crowd of birds!

Emma: does the bank worker take those things up the tube at night?
Me: yes.
Emma: yeah, because a bad guy could just reach in there and take their pen!
(she was referring to the canister in the drive through line of the bank)

Lily: I wish my birthday was the same day as Addy's, then we'd be Twinsie Friends.

After making and serving chicken parmesan for dinner,
Lily: I don't like it. The only thing I taste that's familiar is burnt.

27 April 2017

LEK are hilarious 48

Emma, passing napkins out at dinner: how about the napkins join our feast?

Emma: I need a Barbie chair!
Lily: there's another stool in the Barbie house..
Emma: I'll get it! What's it look like?
Lily: it' short, like this, shaped like a square..
Emma: no no, just tell me what color it is.
Lily: pink.
(Emma runs off)
Lily: WAIT! It's like a medium pink.
[note: this is how Jesse and I also give directions]

Kaylee: IT'S GETTING STRUGGLE PANTS!

Emma: I'm burning like a hot dog.

[I wrote myself a note about a conversation the girls and I had, but was not descriptive enough to remember the specifics of it. Fail. However, I do remember that Emma was sharing with us something from Hercules, and referred to Pegasus as, "Pegahorse." And that was really the important part.]

Kaylee (singing): 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 once I caught a fish alive.
              6, 7, 8, 9, 10 then I let him go again.
              Why did you let him go?
              Because he bit my finger so.
              Which finger did he bite?
              This one on the left.

Lily: see, I told you the zebra skirt was a good idea. It goes with everything.

Lily: I would take good care of a puppy, if I got one.
Emma: well, maybe we should get something else to practice on first. Like a plant. If we take good care of a plant, we will take good care of a puppy.

Kaylee: I ate all of my potato tots!

Me: hey yo, don't track your dirty shoes all across my house, please. And wash your hands since you were cleaning up dog poop.
Emma: oh yes, well, I didn't step in any!
Me: ...that's good...
Emma: I just touched it a little bit with my hand by accident.
😨

Lily: you look so tan, Momma! Just like cookie dough that just got made.
[???]

Kaylee: wow, this is really spicy. I'm NOT in a fan of this.

Emma: this cookie is just melting to town.

Emma: we need really chocolatey chipp-idy pancakes!

29 March 2017

LEK isms 47

Kaylee: Old MacDonald's had a farm...with a moo moo here and a moo moo all over the place.

Emma: Momma, when I was yawning, a hiccup got in the front of it.

[Lily asked the Amazon Echo to tell her a joke, and came to tell us what she'd heard]
Lily: hey, what do you call a camel with no humps?
us: what?
Lily: free humps!
Jesse and me to each other: that's a terrible joke.
:: we looked up the joke to see how it actually went, the answer was "Humphrey."

Lily: why do we have to shut the door when we leave?
Me: so nobody comes in and takes all our stuff.
Emma: well, maybe they don't know which way to turn the door knob.
Me: that's possible.
Emma: ...well then what if they turn it the other way...maybe if it's a little girl that's a bad guy and she couldn't reach the door knob.  Maybe she'd have to kick it.

Me: wow, you girls made a mess down here.
Kaylee: I think it was coyotes.
Me: oh really?
Kaylee: yes, they came in, threw this stuff all over the place and then went home.

Me: Lily, what's the name of the big bald guy in Mulan?
Lily: I think it's....Sham...ooo? I dunno, it sounds like shampoo.
:: it's obviously Chan Po.

Kaylee: I want to go to Coleman's.
Me: I don't think they're home right now.
Kaylee: are they at church?
Me: probably not, but I suppose they might be.
Kaylee: I think they are, and will be home at thirty o'clock.

Emma: can I put a fossil in the water?
Lily: no, that will turn it back into dirt. That's what it's printed out of, when dinosaurs made them.

Lily: MOM. I HAVE to learn goalie this year. Remember when I played soccer and I could use my hands? That was goalie. My teacher told me we have to learn to play it. Like, have to have to, so we're ready for next year!