adjusting

Hello hello.  

As promised: everything else.

Emma is 12 days old [or 13 if I don't get this finished during this sitting] and Lily is 21 months and 3 days.  And we are surviving!  I have been asked how I am handling the adjustment, and honestly, I think I am having the hardest time.  The first three days were really, really hard [I'm not sure if it was really as hard as I remember or I was just tired, emotional and super charged on hormones] but Lily is taking it pretty well.  She loves to help as much as she can, always wants to be in Emma's face [of course] and wants to hold her all the time.  I'm still learning to relax and let Lily help and hold her, and not be all paranoid that Lily is going to accidentally hurt Emma.  But Emma is going to need to be buckled into the swing when Lily decides that the mechanism isn't going fast enough and needs an extra push.  

I think we will definitely have many more temper tantrums from Lily about not always being first with my care and attention- to be expected- but we have already had a few episodes of Lily refusing to get off my lap when I need to feed Emma, and we've gotten through it.  When Emma naps [which is a lot!  Apparently this is normal and what babies are supposed to do, as opposed to what Lily did..], Lily and I play, clean the house together and read stories.  Off the top of my head, the big jealousy point is when I put Emma in the front pack: I'm not sure if Lily thinks that she should be carrying Emma or if Lily wants to be carried herself.    

Other adjustment points: the first 2-3 days, I had the hardest time remembering that the new baby's name is EMMA and not LILY.  Jesse found this highly amusing.  Additionally, I got so used to calling Emma's room "Bob's Room," that when I was trying to direct my mom to find something in there, I called it Bob's room.  Happily, I am figuring out who is who, and have only called Lily by the dog's name once so far.  This week.  

As far as Jesse is concerned, I'm not sure he has noticed a difference ;) ok, I kid, but when Emma is down for the night [hopefully] in the co-sleeper in our room, Jesse likes to walk in and turn the lights on and continue about his business.  He told me that last night he walked in and heard Emma hiccuping, but couldn't figure out what in the world was making that noise until he turned around and saw her laying wide awake staring at him.  He makes me laugh.  I handed Emma off to Jesse and he just took her and continued with whatever he was doing.  Then he stopped and said "look at me, I'm a pro!  Remember when I was scared to hold Lily at this age?"  

We both are kind of struggling remembering all the newborn stuff.  I know Lily now: she is predictable and I can calm her down and talk to her.  Learning a new person is hard and something I hadn't really thought about.  I don't know what will calm Emma down yet, and she obviously can't communicate with me, but we are getting there.   

Since I forgot in the last post, thank you everyone who wrote me messages on Facebook, text, called and stopped by when we had Emma!  I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.  And I also forgot to mention- and have been asked several times- I labored and delivered with no pain medications again, like with Lily.  After the baby was born, I have to admit, I wanted every pain medicine they could give me!

Other than that..Emma has a doctor appointment on Friday, but I'm fairly positive that nursing is going well and she is getting plenty in her little belly.  

Am I forgetting things?  I feel like people have asked me a few questions I wanted to answer and cover in this post..and whatever it is, I can't think of it.  

So...pictures!  My girls look nothing alike. 

Lily- 17 days old

Emma- 10 days old

if you give Lily a drink..

I really will try and catch up on everything with my blogs here sometime: pictures of the girls and updating on how adjusting to being a family of 4 is going.  But right now is not that time.  I have some absolutely fabulous pictures to share.  I could have asked Jesse to play with Lily, but sometimes it is the spontaneity that makes for good pictures and more laughter.

Jesse started by watering the garden.  And Lily was thirsty.  That should be enough explanation.

flips and pacifier forgotten in the garden

by the time I got back outside with my camera, her dress was soaked.  no point in keeping it on..

her first attempt at using the hose herself ended in a face full of water.  unfortunately, I wasn't fast enough with my camera and she learned quickly.

xoxo

ps.  today is my due date and Emma is 10 days old.  God is good.

Emma Joann Hildebrand

Oh goodness, where do I even begin..

This may or may not be too much information to share.  Read at your own risk.

As you probably already know, we became a family of four on Friday, June 15 at 11:46pm.  And I will now be able to stop complaining about pregnancy on my blog, so you can all breathe a sigh of relief.

Betsy and I had decided on Tuesday when I got home from my midwife appointment-- and were both disappointed I wasn't progressing quicker-- that if "Bob" hadn't started to make any indication of an arrival, Betsy would help try and stir some things up to see if we could get labor moving on Friday.  Friday morning before work, I went over to Betsy's and she stripped my membranes for me, and we discussed the days plans.  I headed home, Jesse and I got ready for work and off we went.  Around 1p, I sent Betsy a text telling her my Braxton Hicks were getting stronger and much closer together, and she put our babysitters on alert.  I took a nap, rested, changed positions, drank a ton of water, did dishes and tried to straighten the house: the typical things that should kill Braxton Hicks contractions, plus things that would help get the house/me ready for if this was the real thing.  I don't remember times of everything, but I/Betsy decided this was going to be the real thing and Lily and I headed to the Partin's around 4p so I could labor there and Lily would be able to play with the kids once the sitters arrived.  Mom and Dad had already sent Mom on her way, I told Jesse I thought this was the real thing, and I had the hospital stuff in the car.

Jesse finally moseyed on over from work-- after he had gone home to change (per my instruction, I hadn't packed him any clothes) and talk to the boys haying our meadow (per his decision, I apparently hadn't told him this was urgent)-- and off we went to the hospital.  I think we arrived somewhere in the ballpark of 6p?  

When we arrived, Jesse asked if I wanted a wheelchair or for him to park and we could walk in.  When I was in labor with Lily, he parked and we walked in and had to hunt all over the place for a wheelchair, so I asked that he drop me off and find a wheelchair before parking.  As we pulled up, a nurse who had just brought a mom and new baby down from the baby floor was getting ready to head back upstairs, so she just took me with her, and told Jesse to check me in.  When we arrived in triage..somewhere..everyone was all confused about who I was and where I had come from, since I hadn't been checked in.  There was a flurry of activity and they finally got things figured out and quickly grasped that I was in serious labor and they should probably admit me and get me upstairs.  I don't remember much of this part, just a lot of activity, Jesse showing up and Betsy arriving just was we were leaving.  I seem to remember making the nurses laugh, but I don't remember what was so funny.

Once in our room, the "fun" began.  Ugh.  I don't think that this labor was "easier" than it was with Lily, but several things did make it more tolerable, I suppose, if that's a word that can be used in the same sentence as labor:

1.  It didn't last 48 hours (including pre labor).

2. I was able to focus on other things during each contraction-- a) this is only going to last 30-60 seconds and I get a break, and b) to relax my muscles instead of tensing up [this one was incredibly helpful, actually].

3. I knew I was roughly 6 cm dilated by the time I got into our room, so I knew I only had 4 to go, and how long could that take?

When I was in labor with Lily, each contraction made her heart rate fluctuate (I think, is that right, Betsy?), so the midwife wanted me to have an oxygen mask, or be in a different position than sitting/laying on my back, anything other than what I found most "comfortable."  I didn't want to change positions at ALL with Lily.  This time, I felt like I was all over the place, and able to handle the thought of worse contractions with the position changes.  I sat in the bed, rolled on a birthing ball, laid on my side, sat on the ball in a shower, stood in the shower, etc.  While I was rolling on the ball at one point, Betsy asked how big we all thought the baby would be.  Jesse confidently threw 9lbs, 2oz out there, and I gave him a death glare: there was NO WAY our kid was going to be that big, I refused.  I really thought I was just about ready to push and was kind of upset my mom hadn't arrived yet when Dawn (the midwife) checked me and announced I was only at 8cm.  Since I thought I was getting ready to push, the new really upset me and I started crying, just not able to grasp I was only at 8.  Mom arrived shortly after, and I continued laboring.

the death glare

We finally got to 9cm, and my water still hadn't broken.  Laying on my back, Dawn and Betsy encouraged me to start pushing anyway, letting me judge when the time came as to when I needed to start pushing and figuring my water would break.  The worst part came at this point: 9cm, pushing through contractions, and my body decided it was time to get rid of everything I had and hadn't eaten in the past 24 hours and I threw up everywhere.  Throwing up is misery by itself: it should NOT be allowed during labor.

Dawn went ahead and broke my water and after a position change to my hands and knees and pushing ridiculously hard-- you know you're pushing hard when you burst a blood vessel in your eye..-- "Bob's" identity was revealed!  I heard someone shout "it's a girl!," Jesse tell the room "Emma Joann" and looked down to a baby being passed up under me to see.  They helped me roll over with my little girl and they went to work on her while I just stared and cuddled.  Eventually the nurses had to take Emma to finish cleaning her up and weighing her, after promising they would return her quickly.  When they announced 9lbs 10oz, my jaw dropped, and I wish someone had gotten a picture of my reaction.  No wonder I felt like such a whale!!  It wasn't just muscle memory on my body's part, I really WAS that big!

We got to come home on Monday.  Emma had to stay at the hospital a full 48 hours because I had tested positive for Group B Strep, and just when I thought I would get to go home, the nurses came in to tell me that Emma was too jaundiced to be released.  The pediatrician said he would have let her go home at a blood count of 8 or 9 (I know very little about jaundice, so I'm not really sure too much except that it has to do with the bilirubin count) and that Emma was at 19.5.  So we had to stay an extra day so she could sunbathe under the lights.  I wanted to be at home with Lily and my new little family so badly that I was devastated and cried some more.  By the end of the day of absorbing the lights, we were released and headed home.

she eventually really enjoyed this and sprawled out

It has been a rough few days, of course, but I will blog about our adjusting next time.  I will say that Lily LOVES her sister, but is having a hard time with  not being my whole world right now.  The past two mornings have been pretty tough for me-- having to do with being tired, trying to handle a newborn and Lily and just being a super emotional wreck-- but the afternoons have been awesome after Lily's naps, in general.  I know I'm short tempered right now and pretty grumpy, but we are all surviving!  Mom and Dad are here and a huge help right now, so we are thankful and (mostly) happy.

I feel so blessed to have the friends and family support that I do, and that I had such an awesome midwife to help deliver Emma.  You know that your people love you when they see you at your absolute worst, throw up on them, and still tell you that you're a champ and your baby is cute.  And if you're Betsy, tell you that she's such a cute chunky monkey and even her "rolls have rolls."  It's true.  

Ok, I need to sleep, more later.  And I'm not proof reading this, so sorry for incorrect spelling, scattered thoughts, poor layout..

thankful Tuesday

I have much to be thankful for! 1. Emma Joann is here! A full blog with all the good stuff and pictures is happening soon, hopefully tomorrow. 2. I can sit comfortably again! Anywhere! Including the bathroom floor while Lily takes her bath. 3. My mom is here and being super helpful. Lily has gotten a ton of extra loving from Milly, which is helped me a TON. 4. I'm going to try and be thankful for this transition time, where we all try and adjut to a newborn and being a family of 4. 5. I think I'm just going to end by saying I'm thankful Emma is here safely and my pregnancy discomfort is over!

37 weeks, 5 days

Well.  I'm still pregnant.  Are you all getting tired of hearing me complain?  I kind of gave up on always trying to just tell people the positives of this pregnancy and have accidentally started admitting (on a regular basis) when asked how I'm doing that really, I'm done: this baby has cooked long enough, I'm uncomfortable and ready to cuddle Bob so s/he needs to get a move on.

Anyway, in an attempt to avoid complaining too much, and for the people who haven't seen me recently...here is a picture of me at the beginning of the week.  

I just have a huge belly.  There is no way around that.  I'm getting kind of nervous about this, though.  I was anticipating being bigger and carrying this baby differently than with Lily because my muscles remember this and were already stretched out, as opposed to with Lily, all my muscles were tight and unyielding, so my belly stayed smaller.  Not so with Bob.  This baby wants everyone to know that s/he is in there.  I mean, just look at the picture: stickin' straight out.  Which makes cooking at the stove a treat.  But I'm getting nervous that this baby is going to be bigger than Lily was..and that is not a comforting thought.  I really appreciate all the kind friends/family/strangers who tell me that I am just all baby and that it doesn't appear I've gained weight elsewhere.  Thank you, and I love you all.  I'm sure I have, the numbers on the scale just keep going up..and even if people are lying to me, I don't care because they sure make me feel better!  Jesse has perfected automatic responses to my complaints: "all I see is a miracle," and "you're beautiful" are two of my favorites.  And, I'm incredibly thankful with how patient and helpful he has been!  But I know that I am definitely ready to feel more like myself and stop being so self-centered.

This past week, I've been trying to sit on one of those big exercise balls as much as possible to help the process along, and Lily has been enjoying it almost as much as I have.  

she thinks she's pretty cool

Speaking of being pretty cool...yesterday evening, Lily found her 3 remaining pacifiers that we have in the house.  She brought them all to Jesse, and this is how he handled that:

Then, Lily wanted to try it.

My family is special.

The three of us went to some yard sales today, and had some fun, but didn't really buy much.  One seller asked if I had seen all the baby clothes she had for sale and I had, but I think I'm just going to wait to do serious sale-ing until after the baby is born.  We don't need to load up on boy clothes if the baby is a girl, and we don't need a ton of girl clothes because we already have Lily's old stuff.  So I'm thinking that after the baby comes and I'm feeling up to such endeavors, I will leave Lily with Jesse on a Saturday morning or something and Bob and I will go out and find him/her some clothes.  We'll see.  It was a good time today, regardless.

When we came home, Lily was passed out so she went down for a nap, which worked out perfectly for Jesse and me.  He and I headed outside to finish working on the garden, and I'm so glad that it's done!  And also that I got to help some.

doesn't it look so good?

 Jesse put up some electric fencing- that you can kind of see- in the field there behind the raised beds, so we finished getting that put up today.  Now, when it comes to electric shocking things, he and I have both tried it out in the past to make sure it works [example: when we bought Zeke's shock collar, we both tested it out so we would know how badly we were shocking him before he wore it].  Today, however, I opted out of the field testing because I just somehow didn't feel that shocking myself with a baby on board was in the best interest of the baby.  Jesse assures me that it works, and I'm going to assume so, especially after watching him jump.

our raised beds with plants!  the left bed has beets, carrots, green beans, and lettuce.  the right has peppers, carrots,  and green beans.

planting squash

surveying the hard work

I got to be in charge of planting the tomatoes.  well, and the peppers in the raised beds.   for the record, I found 5 of our tomato cages at a yard sale for $5.

we ran out of cages, so one poor tomato plant just got a stake.

prepping for the corn rows

We're pretty excited!

And now, two pictures to show one of Lily's favorite new past times, apparently.  She enjoys crawling up onto our bed, mostly when I'm trying to make the bed and then I bury her in the pillows.  But one day, I was folding laundry and went to go find her and found her on our bed, trying to play on my cell phone.  Really, all she accomplished was disabling it because she incorrectly guessed the password too many times, but I think she was trying to call her daddy.

 I feel I am forgetting some things I wanted to post about, so my apologies if I forgot something important.  Hopefully I will feel up to blogging more this week..we shall see.