one year ago

A warning to family: you may not want to read this at work.   Continue at your own risk.

On Memorial Day last year, one year tomorrow exactly, one of my favorite people passed away.  Details are foggy, but I know I cried a lot.  Dad called to tell me Poppy had passed away suddenly, and I didn't know what to do, just like I had always told Jesse would happen whenever that day would come.  I won't dwell on the sadness and heartbreak here, but as a mom of young kids, I couldn't curl in a ball and cry all day like I wanted to.  Life was going to move on for them and they would need attention regardless of my present state.  Praise God Jesse had the day off to pick up my slack and bring me ice cream, because I was still in a zombie like state the rest of the day.

Poppy had health problems, but I guess I never knew the severity.  He was always the happy grandpa, ready for a game of cards or to tell a story.  Some of my favorite and most cherished memories are with him and Mama at their house.  Poppy came to piano recitals that must have been like nails one chalkboard early on; he also attended countless soccer games and dance competitions.  I think the competitions were a favorite, and he and Mama quickly became immersed in the Clan MacLeod and Scottish happenings.

So many special memories.

The time I distinctly remember watching Peter Pan with him and laughing so hard I almost fell off his lap during the scene where Peter rescues Tiger Lily.
Sitting on his lap and combing his hair.

Hours of canasta, Monopoly and teaching him to play Settlers of Catan, where he quickly gained a reputation of being the Shephard and hoarding sheep.

Being baptized by him.

The time I spent the night at Mama and Poppy's house and he and I saw a lunar eclipse together.

Countless holidays and birthdays.

Making huge messes with his painting and stamping supplies, and pretending I could build things in his workshop.

And then the harder memories.  Trying to explain to Lily what was going on and why it looked like Poppy was sleeping.  Telling Poppy I was pregnant with his third great grandchild and that I was due on his birthday before I left the funeral home.  Sobbing every time I hear "It is Well" sung.  And being so torn when I heard Lily listing her grandparents, and naming Mama before saying, "now who did I forget, oh yes, Poppy!"

We weren't ready for him to go, but he is no longer suffering even an ounce.  I'm so thankful for the time I had with him and that he was such a big part and so involved in my life.  It has definitely been a difficult year for my family with his death: I have been working on this post for a month and still don't think I have all my thoughts here.  I know we all wish he was still here, and could have one more hug, story, laugh, game of cards, etc.  I want him to meet Kaylee and see how she isn't nearly as wiggly yet as her two older sisters.  Holidays are still hard, and will be for the next long time, I'm sure.  Every single one we celebrated with Mama and Poppy, and after we all started getting married and moving away, we still gathered when we could, though I was the worst at not getting to Findlay.  I'm glad somewhere along the way, we started taking family pictures at every gathering.  It seemed silly sometimes, we JUST got a picture and nothing has changed, but now I can look back and see wonderful times as the family has slowly grown, and now, lost one.

Christmas 2009

Christmas 2010

Jess' wedding, 2009

Easter 2011 (?)

August 2012

Christmas 2012

Easter 2013

here I am!

Hello friends and family, here I am.  I occasionally remember I have a blog.  I try and keep you updated, but other things get in the way sometimes, apparently.  

Things are going pretty well.  I think I forgot to mention that we went to Ohio 2 weekends ago, or so..I think I've forgotten to blog quite a bit.  We went to Toledo at the beginning of May to visit Rick, Nikki, Noah and Bri, and that happened to happily coincide with my dear friend's bridal shower in Findlay.  So in our typical fashion, it was a fast but fun weekend.  Jesse was able to take all of Friday off, so we were able to take our time getting to Toledo, which was so nice not to be rushed to make it in before midnight.  When we leave for places after Jesse gets off work, it's a ridiculous dream to arrive anywhere by the girls' bedtime, so this was so much less stressful in that we could take our time.  We had a great time playing with Brennan's, and I had a great time at the shower celebrating Emily's upcoming wedding.  Of course, I barely took a single picture: also in my typical fashion when out places.  

We also left early enough on Sunday that we could kind of mosey home a bit, and stopped in at Easton so we could take the girls *cough Jesse cough* to the Lego store!  If anyone has ever taken a child into a toy store single handed, you know what I mean when you say I felt accomplished that we made it in and out with no temper tantrums.  Keeping that in mind, I felt like a superhero because I told Jesse to go have fun and take his time and I'd wrangle the girls.  So the girls and I built 3 mini figures, dug in the tub of bricks to play in and then left Jesse to buy our works of art and played at the fountain before heading home.  

Since then, we've been keeping busy.  We've been on a cleaning and organizing kick, which has been very refreshing to our house, and we're making progress.  Jesse has been working on our garden and getting that up built, planted and guarded by a fence.

The girls are doing great.  

Lily is getting so big and continually amazes me.  She has a few puzzles that she can do all by herself, which is impressive to me.  And while she has always liked putting her own shoes on, now she likes to do it "all by myself," which is fun to watch her grow and get them on the correct feet, but it's sad that she's already there and speaking correctly vs "all my byself."  Which I will greatly miss.

She has also been watching Justice League, which I enjoy.  Diana (Wonder Woman) is her favorite, "she's a princess."  My favorite conversation recently was about the dogs at the guard gate at the FBI center.  My answer to the question of why they were there wasn't sufficient ("to keep us safe and bad guys away"), so we tried a new tactic: the dogs are superheroes, and their super power is to smell bad guys.  She was a big fan of that answer, and asked if they could fly.  I think she gets it.

Emma is a trooper.  Not only did we kick her out of her crib and into a twin bed in December, uprooted her as the youngest in February, but we also took her pacifier away and have mostly potty trained her since then.  While I don't think she's fully there with going on the toilet, she's doing awesome.  I know my siblings love when I discuss these things, so you're welcome Joel and Jess.  She and Lily still love to love each other, are always playing together and that's how I want it.  However, we've also been getting a taste of breaking up fights and arguments between the two, and we're figuring out right along with them how to handle sharing, who had what first and discipline for tantrums.  Who knew having 3 kids all so close in age would be so exciting?  Since I refuse to buy duplicate sets of everything for the girls, they're quickly learning, and doing a great job, how to take turns and share.  

Emma cracks me up though, she's so similar to me.  And obviously I'm hilarious.

I tell the girls at the store to keep their hands in their pockets so they learn not to touch things.  Overall, this works ok, and Lily does a much better job at 3 than Emma is trying to do at almost 2, but we're getting there.  The other day, Emma was wearing a jacket at the store, and was having trouble keepings her hands to herself in the check out.  I told her to put her hands in her pockets, and she obeyed, and the next time I looked at her, she was reaching out to touch things through her jacket, hands still obediently in her pockets.  Clever girl.

Those two are hilarious together, and one minute, Lily will come crying out of their room that Emma is in her bunk at bedtime and the next minute, be crying because Emma won't come up into her bed.  Ah, 3 year old logic.  I can't wait until I have 3 little girls all trying to pile into the same bed.  

Kaylee is great.  We finally made it to her 2 month appointment...at 3 months...but she's looking great.  And big.  She was over 16 pounds and 26 inches long, which made her off the chart for height and in the 95ish percentile for weight.  Love my little chubbies.  Erin and I were discussing that we didn't have too much of an opinion on what newborns looked like, but we thought we'd like the small, petite variety.  This was of course until she and I started having little chunky babies with full heads of hair, and now we both agree, solid babies are our favorites.  We realize we're biased.

Poor Kaylee is still learning that her arms are connected to the rest of her: last night, she had a fistful of chunky cheek in her fist and ended up getting her finger in her eye and was screaming and upset without realizing that she was the cause of her own discomfort.  I couldn't stop laughing, Mom of the Year Award, thanks.

But Kaylee loves to wiggle, flail around, and yes, I realize she has a lot of hair.  Everywhere we go, she gets comments.  Fortunately, I must have a Crazy Momma Look about me because people mostly keep their hands off.  I guess they realize that if they touched my children, they'd likely walk (or crawl) away without their hand.  Ok, not really, but seriously, what's up with strangers touching babies?  Obviously my children are adorable, but come on.

We also get so many comments like, "you sure have your hands full!" regularly.  Yes, I certainly do.  It's incredibly stressful and taxing to keep a constant eye on 3 little girls 3 years old and younger, and it's only going to get increasingly difficult when Kaylee is walking.  Yes, I'm busy.  Yes, I'm tired.  One kind lady noticed how the girls were keeping me on my toes and commented on it and said, "But you're still smiling!"  Yes, I try to do that most of all.  I'm having fun, tantrums and all.  Those obviously are miserable, but we get past them.  I have two arms and 3 kids, immediate obedience is expected and demanded here, and that's how the girls and I survive when we go grocery shopping while Jesse is at work.  That, and also lots of smiles and an increasing amount and need for patience.

I can't think of too much else to report.  I had stories to share, but since I didn't write ideas down as they came, they're gone.  I updated my pictures, go check them out here! 

Lily isms 19

Lily: Where is God?
Me: God is everywhere.
Lily: But WHERE is he?
Me: He's in heaven.
Lily: Up in the clouds?
Me: Well. Really far away, Lily.
Lily: Oh. I'll need my binoculars to see him.
- note: I know that's a cop out answer, but come on, I was put on the spot.

Lily: somebody opened my door.
Jesse: what Lily?
Lily: someone opened my door while I was sleeping...where's Mommy?
Jesse: she went to the store Lily, she'll be back soon.
Lily: who opened my door?
Jesse: Mommy did to check on you.
Lily: oh...I think it was you.

Lily: Momma, what's on your hand?
Me: I'm not sure what that is, Lily.
Lily: I think it's chicken poop.
- note: it was not.

Lily: Momma, we were pretending we were in kelp forest!
Me: ...kelp forest?
Lily: yes, that's where all the kelp is.

"I'm having trouble here!"

Jesse: Lily, ask Momma if she wants her Mother's Day present today or tomorrow.
Lily: TODAY!

"what a beautiful day to be outside."

Yelling from the bathroom to me in the kitchen:
"Momma! Why do we have belly buttons!"

...say what? 1

After I panicked and yelled, "Emma! Don't rinse Kaylee's chupa in the toilet!," I realized I'm missing some comedy by not recording some of the absurd things Jesse and I have heard each other say. Really, my blog is turning more and more into a memory bank/diary for my scatter brained future self. And an added bonus if it keeps family/friends informed. So, we start another set of editions to my blog.

"Lily! Get out of Emma's nose!"

"Girls, please stop playing with my lip."

"Emma, don't fill your teacup from Zeke's water bowl."
- I believe the Emma-get-out-of-nasty-water will be a recurring trend.

"Lily, why are you kicking my bucket, again?"

Lily: Daddy, I think she (Kaylee) is crying.
Jesse: yeah, I think Lily, uh Emm-whoever this one is is hungry.

Jesse comes out of the girls room with Emma's blanket:
Jesse: apparently, Emma took her diaper off and peed on her blanket.
Me: does it smell? Or just wet?
Jesse: *horrified I-am-NOT-smelling-this-thing look* what??
Me: she was dumping Zeke's water on it, does it smell like pee?
Jesse: *cautiously sniffs*
Me: well?
Jesse: not pee. Just smells like horrible baby.

"Emma, get off of Emma. Wait. Emma, get off of Kaylee."

"How many times are you going to poop today?!"

Lily: why am I going to lose my teeth?
Me: so you can get bigger teeth to eat bigger food.
- hindsight: what?

"I can't wait until I'm a dad."

"If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid."