55

Driving in Ohio-
Emma: So corn is the main food people grow here? There is corn for MILES

Emma: West Virginia is really popular, isn't it. Everyone lives there.
Me: I guess?
Emma: Everywhere we go, the West Virginia flag is the biggest.
Me: Well, in West Virginia it is, maybe.
Emma: No, we just passed that place back there and they had a big WV flag.
Me: I doubt that, we're in Michigan, they wouldn't have a West Virginia flag.
Emma: it was! It was a red and white flag with a blue corner with stars.
Me:  ok, that's the US flag, that's for our whole country.
Emma: OOOOOO

Listening to the Sound of Silence-
Kaylee: this is NOT silence. Silence is no one talking.

Me: Kaylee, I think you keep too much stuff. You should get rid of some of this.
Kaylee: what do you mean?
Me: All this stuff, you should get rid of it.
Kaylee: oh I thought you meant my clothes. Nope, I need all this. You have false in your mind.

Emma: why did they used to wrap people in white paper?
I launch into whole explanation about embalming and preserving mummies-
Lily: so what kind of spices did they use to embalm them? Like pepper?

Kaylee: DID YOU ORDER THAT THING FOR MY DOLL?
Me: no, is it your birthday or Christmas? No!
Kaylee: DID YOU TALK TO DADDY AND CAN YOU GET IT FOR ME?
Me: I'm not telling you what I'm getting you for your birthday!
Kaylee: NOOOOOO I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!!

Emma: Luke needs to be more careful in Return of the Jedi: first, he falls in the "ranker" pit, then he almost falls into the sarlac pit. He needs to be more careful.

Emma: pickles are actually cucumbers. When cucumbers die, they turn into pickles.

Lily has to write a paper on a historical person for school this year. I was explaining about the paper to Jesse's parents, and going through a list of examples.
Me: there were lots of people she could have picked. I told her there were female authors, like Jane Austen, or famous scientists, like Marie Curie, and famous queens and Princess Diana..
Lily: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME I COULD HAVE PICKED PRINCESS DIANA.
Me: no, not Wonder Woman, an actual princess from England.
Lily: oh. Ok, never mind.

54

The older the kids get, the funnier they are 😂

Lily: what's the difference between a regular phone and a cell phone?
Jesse: well, these are cell phones, and regular phones are like what we have in the house.
Lily: is that the kind of phone they had way back in the day?
Emma: what did they play games on??

Kaylee: will all the kids from the first practice be at our practice tonight?
Me: Yes, they're on our team.
Kaylee: even that kid that didn't want to play?
Me: Yes, even if he chooses not to play, he's still on our team.
Kaylee: he was awful.

Kaylee: ILOVEYOUANDILIKEYOUANDSMELLMYBREATH
Me: wait what? No!

Kaylee: UGH I'm tired, that's why I'm having a sassy pants.

Kaylee: I know about Adam and Eve, they ate bad fruit. Do you think it was not done raspberries?

Lily: how do I know when to use "hashtag" in a sentence?

Lily: oh look it looks like he just got back from snowing the cloud!
Kaylee: oh yes the snow cloud went by.
(snow plow)

Kaylee, standing on the bathroom scale: look, momma, one foot costs the same height as the other foot.
Me: ... Good?

Emma: season salt..is it an important season like fall or winter?
Me: What do you think?
Emma: I was just playing with you.

Emma: I have a new Minecraft world, it's called Emma excited sign!
Me: Excited sign 😂
Emma: Yes! Like this !

Me: know what would be good?
Emma: a Pixel 3?
Me: ....?
Emma: yes, it has 7 hours of battery life off a 15 minute charge, you should get one.
Me: Well, I certainly agree!

Emma: should I change my last name when I get married?
Me: You can do whatever you want, but you don't have to decide right-
Emma: should I change it to Cookie Queen?
Me: yes absolutely.

Emma: olives are delicious, you with me, Mom?

LEK gold 54

Emma: Wasp-es are the worst-est.
Kaylee: but bees are mean AND nice. They sting us which is mean, but they give us honey, which is nice!

Kaylee: oh look, that boy has a rollin' pad like we do!
Me: ...a skateboard?
Kaylee: yes, I wish we had our skateboard so we could practice with him and he could teach us things.

Kaylee: WE SHOULD HAVE A S’MORE NIGHT!
Me: yeah that's a good idea.
Kaylee: WE HAD ZERO S'MORE NIGHTS LAST NIGHT!
Me: ... That is true.

Emma: what IS shrimp?
Me: a type of sea food.
Emma: EW I'M EATING SEAFOOD?!
Lily: at least it isn't fish.

I was explaining what service dogs are.
Lily: DO THEY HAVE SERVICE BUNNIES??!

Kaylee: why doesn't Han use the forest?
Me: only Luke has the forest.

Emma: I wish we had magic toys, know why?
Me: Why?
Emma: They'd clean up the toy room for us.

Kaylee, after a loud motorcycle:
he scared my tummy!

Passing an apartment complex.
Lily: I want to live there! Then we can walk to our neighbor's house!
Emma: I don't want that, I don't want to be all friends and neighbors.

Emma: I want to be a vet pretty much because I can see a lot of baby deers and frogs and and go aww that's so cute!

Kaylee: the Joker and Cruella are similar, aren't they.
Emma: well, if Diana wasn't from Amazon, she wouldn't have super powers either, like Batman.

After the 1000th person told me, "oh, so momma gets all kinds of quiet time once school starts," this week,
Lily: why do they all think we won't be there?

Emma: and I was grumping at Mom because she wouldn't buy me a lunchable.
Jesse: well is that a good reason to be grumpy at Mom?
Emma: yes, it is because I wanted it.

Me: is that your feet that stink?
Kaylee: no, my feet smell like flowers!

LEK 53

Emma: scary movies really give me the nightmares.

Kaylee: what are teenagers?
Lily: people who are done with school and who lay around on their phones all the time and listen to music. That's what I'm gonna do when I'm a teenager.
Me: ....no, you probably won't.
Lily: well I'm going to listen to music all the time!
Kaylee: I'll be on my phone all the time.

Kaylee crying: I just don't want cry drops on my shirt!

Emma: GRRRRRR MINECRAFT IS BEING REALLY SWITCHY.

Kaylee: I wish I was a teddy bear, then I'd cuddle with myself.

Kaylee: can we play in the creek? It's green. I promise we won't drink it.

Emma: ew I just achoo'd on my hand.

Lily: I want a baby brother.
Jesse: what? A baby brother?
Lily: yes I'm bored of sisters.

Kaylee comes out after we put them to bed: Emma needs you.
Me: is she bleeding, is she sick?
Kaylee: no (goes back to their room)
5 seconds later
Kaylee: Emma has systemic juvenile arthritis, that's sickness.
Me: 😂🤦

Trying to explain why all the teachers were protesting here a few months ago.
Lily: well I guess that's a good way to get more money
Emma: a better way is a garage sale.

Emma: MOM Kaylee dropped a goldfish where you park and ate it.
Me: oh well what can you do.
Lily: sell her?

Lily singing presidents: Wilson, Harding, Kool-Aid..

Reviewing the states.
Me: here's Florida, that's where Disney is.
Lily: ARE WE TAKING AN AIRPLANE
Me: yes probably.
Lily: let's take a jet, they serve snacks.

Passing an eyebrow threading store at the mall.
Lily: what's that?
Me: oh sometimes ladies don't like the shapes of their eyebrows so they go there to have them fixed.
Emma:  oh like triangles and squares?

Emma: Lily is being a grumpy-potamus.

Lily: what is the word that means being creative?
Me: ...uh, imaginitive?
Lily: no, like if you go camping and have way too many clothes, but forgot your tent? So you make a tent out of your clothes?
Me: Oh, improvise?
Lily: YES!
(Note, I will make sure we remember a tent when we camp next 😂)

LEK (52)

Me: what is the shape of the face of most clocks?
Emma: what's on most clocks? I don't know, cats?

Kaylee: I can't open this moustache-io.
(pistachio)

Emma: how do you tell the difference between a boy horse and a girl horse?
Me: .........................
Kaylee: the girls have long hair.

Lily: it sure would be funny if I was raised by squirrels, wouldn't it?

Emma: NO COOKIES FOR YOU.

Jesse, filling me in on football: Miami lost on Thanksgiving, they were 2nd in the country.
Kaylee: what about Emma?
Me: not myEMMA, MiAMI.
Lily: who is Ami?

Lily: I wish we had 15 puppies. Then I could have 5, Emma could have 5, and Kaylee could have 5.
Kaylee: I KNOW, I could have 3, Lily could have 7, and Emma could have 5.
Me, adding it up: HOW DID YOU DO THAT KAYLEE.
Lily: oh, those are our ages, smart, Kaylee.
Me: oh, that makes sense.

Me: Kaylee, please stop following me all over the house. Find something to do that isn't that.
Kaylee: but I don't know WHAT to do.
Me: whatever your little heart desires that isn't following me everywhere.
Kaylee: but that's what my heart desires! Following you around!

Kaylee: can I light the candle on fire?

Emma: I want a foot stool so I can rest my feet.

Lily: when we're teenagers, we can do whatever we want.
Me: ...no, not really.
Lily: well, some stuff. Like listen to music.
(note, we listen to music ALL THE TIME)

Emma: ok, Google, play a funny joke.
Google: what's brown and sticky? A stick!
Emma: NO, it's CHOCOLATE.
Me: well yes, but also a stick, because it's stick-y.
Emma: ...ok, Google got me.

(watching football)
Lily: so whoever shoots the winning point gets their picture taken?

Kaylee: how do you know?
Emma: because I'm old and I'm wise!

Emma: too bad, too sad, don't let the bed bugs bite! Is that how that goes?
Lily: yes.

are you tired of reading the funny things my kids say? 51

Kaylee: when we were by the tomatoes, we saw a HOLY SMOKES MOMMA tomato.
Emma: YOU WILL FREAK OUT ABOUT IT.

Emma: Batman caught a Monarch butterfly, but it still had flight power, so I made him let it go and it got away.

the girls and I were in one vehicle, following Jesse in the other.
me: oh, sorry girls, Dad made it through the light and we didn't.
Lily: why didn't you put on super speed?

Lily: why do they call it football if they don't use their feet?

Lily to Emma: you need to do what I say because it says so in the Bible.
(I didn't teach her this)

Kaylee: I just waited a couple whiles and then, poom, turned on.

Lily: are the Phoenix birds real?
me: well, those are something called mythical creatures, like mermaids, unicorns, and the Loch Ness monster. They probably aren't real, but it's fun to imagine they could be real.
Lily: oh yes, it's fun to pretend Santa is real.
Emma: yes, and to pretend Pluto is real!
me: ...well, I mean, Pluto is real. It's not a planet, but it's still out there.
Emma: my Sunday school teacher told me she lived way back in the day when Pluto was a planet!

Lily: I LOVE IT!
Emma: I don't, it's not good for me.
Lily: it's so good!
Emma: well that's ok, we have different taste bugs.

Jesse: what kind of donut do you want?
Emma: oh, I don't know. The kind I wanted last time and had a fit about!

Lily: the very first humans alive were paleontologists, right?

Kaylee: is right here (pointing to her elbow) a bending bone?

Lily: I just think bones are super important.

Emma: Mom, is your brain your squishiest part of your body, or your butt?

Kaylee was watching Beauty and the Beast.
Kaylee: is this Mom's work?
Jesse: what?
Kaylee: well, Mom is pretty like Belle, and you're like the Beast.

LEK 50

Emma: Diamond wanted the guinea pig toy, so Batman kindly gave it to her, then she didn't want it. So I gave it back to Batman. I thought that was nice.

Lily: EMMA HISSED AT ME!
Me: why?
Lily: well, I pulled her hair. But I was just sitting on it, so that technically isn't pulling it.

Kaylee: Momma, I want the show that starts with an, "m."
Me: ...ok, what's it about?
Kaylee: it has Pongo?
Me: 101 Dalmatians?
Kaylee: YES!

Lily: Emma, if you had one wish in the world, what would it be?
Emma: for a unicorn.

Lily: Momma, blueberry pie is delicious, right? I'm not much of a pie lover, I'm a chocolate cake lover.

Lily: do I need to write the mystery dot?
(a question mark)

Lily: can I have some of that tortilla chip sauce?
(salsa)

Lily: oh, what are those animals with tusk-es like elephants. Not seals, that live in Antarctica?
Me: walruses? I don't know if those are in Antarctica...
Lily: oh, well, one of the Arcticas...

Groot: I am Groot.
Emma: is his name Groot?

Lily: Emma, will you please move your face?

Me: Kaylee, where are your sisters?
Kaylee: playing on the trampoline with a wolf spider.
Me: ...well sure.